I'm not much of a fan of critics, especially these days when there are such an abundance of them on the payrolls of every newspaper, e-zine, cable TV show, news program and magazine. I think when professional critics start to outnumber working artists, something is terribly wrong. Even one critic to ten artists is a bit uneven. Critics will disagree with me, but to listen to some of them, one artist per field of art would be ample.
It's not the individual critics I hate, mind you, it's the whole impulse. I even hate it in me, and consider it one of my projects to evaporate any desire towards criticism of other well-intentioned people that I can detect in myself. It's just not a handsome attribute.
So here's my idea, and I'm almost serious about it, too. Today we have recourse to digital tools that have revolutionized the arts. You can paint, compose music, edit films, design buildings, all on your laptop while chewing a Krispy Kreme donut, if you choose. Basically, there is no excuse anymore for anyone who claims to be interested in the arts to not be very productive. It's just too easy.
So we as a society should demand that anyone who wants to call themselves a professional critic, should make available on a website for all the world to see, an example of their efforts in the very field they intend to be an authority on. Music critics- let's hear your songs and symphonies. Theatre critics- where is the play you wrote on the subway to Times Square? Art critics- let's see the images you made on your laptop in Soho. Film critics- you hordes of imitation butter-flavor fingered typists, tell us where to view your short film please. We'll patiently wait for the download.
This will make honest men and women out of the few really devoted critics who take on the challenge, and it will thin the herd considerably. With every critic activated as a productive artist, we will have more works to view and listen to, and less carping and complaining. Many will probably quit of their own accord, since artistic creation is so much more rewarding than casual, random destruction.
The real dividend for the culture will be the conversion of critics into artists. We always need more of the one, and seldom have a hunger for the other.
Tom Cruise and Mission: Impossible III (Spring 2006)
RECYCLING CRITICS (Fall 2002)
RENAISSANCE FOLKS (Spring 2002)
MESKI-WHAT WHAT? (Winter 2002)
A STAR IS BORN (Fall 2001)
PAINTING BY NUMBER (Summer 2001)
IMPORTANT HOAX ALERT! (Spring 2001)
THIS MUCH WE DO KNOW... (Winter 2001)
GENERALLY UNRELIABLE (Fall 2000)
SHOULD YOU SAY "YES"? (Summer 2000)
NOTES FROM "WHOVILLE" (Spring 2000)
BATTLEFIELD EARTH IS HERE! (Winter 2000)
NEW YORKERS, LOVERS OF MANKIND (Fall 1999)
THE ART CURE (Summer 1999)
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